btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
