I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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