she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
