'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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