I puked a lego.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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