i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
