Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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