I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
