i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
