so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
