Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
