I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
