she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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