watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
