You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She needs sedatives and a leash
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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