I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
