Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Randomize
