just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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