UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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