almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
