you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize