I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
