how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
