I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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