Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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