Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
