I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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