If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
