We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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