mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
