We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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