she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize