woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
