just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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