Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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