I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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