she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
