K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
