well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dignity is for republicans.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
