"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize