I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
