it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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