Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
