Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
This girl is more easily done than said...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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