3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
