That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
