got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
