Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize