bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
