literally had 100 drinks last night.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize