he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
