As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
