I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
