its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
