Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
