I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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