I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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