ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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