I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
