his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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