All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
They have beer where we have blood.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
