Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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