Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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