I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
