My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
