Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
