is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
