Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think I am morally bankrupt
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
