will power is for people who don't want to get laid
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
