just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just had sex on a roof
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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