there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Randomize
