I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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