The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
