I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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