i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
