I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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