i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
