i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize