I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
