Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
