You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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