i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
