i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
