I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
