the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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