she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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