evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
